Everything they say about Parenting is Right

People told me that becoming a dad would change everything all at once. I became a dad on August 21, 2025. It was a chaotic and special day, but for whatever reason everything didn’t magically change in one seminal moment.

Yes, things are changing:

• I don’t sleep the same, when I do at all 💀
• I don’t have the same freedom to do drive to Betos at 2am for a California burrito
• I’m now the buzzkill friend that has to make it home for bedtime

They were correct that things have changed, and especially that it is worth it. It’s been one week with our precious little girl, we spent many, many thousands of dollars to get her here. We visited dozens of doctors, went through multiple surgeries, procedures, tests, and medications, had our feelings hurt, hurt others feelings, and had our hearts broken over and over.

And then, she was here, and our hearts stitched themselves back up.

I realized that not only were they correct about those few things, no matter who I talked to, they were all right.

Whatever you believe about parenting, you’ll get.

The spectrum of opinions

Opinions on children seem to fall on a spectrum between 2 extremes. You exist along it, or oscillate between:

1. those who view children as a burden, a curse, and a source of pain
2. those who view children as a blessing, a gift, and a source of joy

What you think/say about children reflects where you stand.

I’m going to miss this phase of life with them.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

is quite different than…

I’d have to give up too much to have kids.

I’m just surviving until school starts!

Something about your attitude dictates what you opine about children. A little optimism seems to go a long way. My happiest friends who happen to be parents not so surprisingly seem to all be in camp #2. I too am trying to follow their lead and stay in camp #2.

I have some other friends who maybe are somewhere in the middle, I’m not sure they really wanted kids all that much, or if they did, they don’t see it the same way.

Other friends of mine who don’t have kids don’t want them ever. I have friends who have more permanence in their life from a dog who will be around for 15 years, than they even do from a boyfriend or girlfriend who might be gone in 3. What a tragedy!

So, perhaps, no matter who you ask, they’re all right. You reap what you sow.

If you think children will be a burden, you’re right. You’ll manifest that very burden straight into your life.

Marriage as a foundation, not a trophy

As a bit of an aside (but I think it’s worth mentioning), I believe marriage is the ideal, stable basis that all children are meant to be raised in. It’s not a trophy to claim at the end of a relationship that has succeeded, but the foundation that anchors the family together.

Consider this recent tweet:

A marriage where both parents agree that children are a blessing will lead to happier children.

Examples in media

As I anticipated becoming a parent, a few examples dug their way into my mind that I can’t forget about. All of these feel like good representations of parents fixed in camp #2.

Warning: some spoilers ahead.

Wild Robot

In the Wild Robot, an intelligent robot named Roz finds herself raising an orphaned baby goose named Brightbill. In one final scene, Roz’s life with Brightbill flashes before her eyes connecting all the times over the years that Brightbill lit up her life in this super beautiful way.

Brightbill was hopeless on his own, but Roz always completes her tasks. Roz didn’t ever express Brightbill being a burden.

Mah’s Joint

In Mah’s Joint by Jon Bellion, there’s a lyric that makes you realize just how beautiful the payoff to being a parent is in the long run:

Mothers grow up and become grandmothers. When they get really old, roles reverse and they need someone to take care of them. How special that children eventually become the very ones who can become a mother to their own mom.

I saw this in my own parents as their parents aged and went to live in senior living homes. It’s not exactly easy to handle their bills, drive them to appointments, and help them make friends at the old folks home, but that’s just what they did.

Even later in life, viewing parenting as a blessing gives life tremondous meaning.

Bluey: Sleepytime

There aren’t a lot of TV shows that actively make you a better person by consuming them, but Bluey is one of them.

Sleepytime is only 15 minutes long and demonstrates all sorts of wonderful themes like parents being patient, dads that are actually good role models, and the bittersweet feeling of children growing up and becoming independent.

One week into this parenting thing, I hope I stay neatly fixed in camp #2. If I can be anything like Roz or Bandit & Chili, I wouldn’t mind.